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On February 6th, 1983 we were all gathered together at my husband’s parents’ home. All but Charlie and Peggy. They were married six months prior and lived about an hour away in her home town.I was due any day with my first child and miserably “big.” We were all sitting around after dinner and watching the baby's feet race across my belly. Joy turned into panic in a matter of seconds.
Peggy called in hysterics. We couldn't even understand her at first. Charlie’s car had been hit by a teenage driver who was racing on their country roads. She didn’t know how bad he was, but said to get there quick.
My husband was worried about taking me or leaving me, so his parents and siblings left without him at his request. I urged him to call the ER where Charlie was taken and inquire about his injuries. He did, and the nurse told him by phone that Charlie didn’t make it. He had suffered severe head injuries.
My precious husband simply hung up, looked me square in the eye and said he needed to go. He would take me to my mother’s first. I didn’t know that Charlie died. He didn’t tell me for fear of the trauma triggering labor. He remained very cool and collected for my sake.
After he left me at Mom’s, she called the ER. They too, told her he had died.
It was a long night for everyone. I just kept thinking I needed to be with my husband, who drove that distance knowing his brother had died. I couldn’t be with him and support him in his time of need.
My obstetrician would not allow me to travel to the visitation or funeral because of my progression. I felt so sad about that, but followed his advice.
They buried Charlie on top of a mountain in a beautiful, scenic cemetery in the middle of winter. The trauma triggered a miscarriage for my husband’s sister, whose testimony you will find under “Loss by Miscarriage/Stillbirth.” (In the book.) My husband and her husband literally carried her in a wheelchair up that slick mountain path.
Sudden, traumatic loss is earth shattering in any situation. It takes time to heal. Time to recover. Time to learn how to cope.
Even if the accident victim doesn’t die, they can still grieve over the loss of a limb, mobility, activity, and “normalcy.” Loss isn’t just felt in death. It can be felt in many ways.
Reality is, accidents happen. Death happens. Things change in a moment’s notice. It’s how we learn to cope with them and adjust to them that matters. Will we rely on God’s strength or turn our heads away from Him? Remember the phrase in a song we learned as children. “I am weak, but He is strong.” It’s only through His strength that we survive some of life’s hardest moments.
I went through a lot of fear after this experience. I was scared to drive on two lane country roads. I cried a lot in fear of losing my husband in a car wreck. When my kids started driving, I had a lot of fear they would be killed too.
While the intensity has greatly diminished through the years, I still have that element of fear. I have had to place my loved ones in God’s care and let go of it for my peace of mind. It is much easier when we grasp onto God’s Words and believe in them:
2 Timothy 1:12 “because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.” NIV
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We reach a point in life where we need to discern the difference between believing in God, and believing God. Do we trust in His wisdom? Do we believe His Words to be true and never-changing? Do we rest in the knowledge that He will never leave us nor forsake us? It's time to address these questions if you haven't.
Jeus says in the book of John, "In this world you WILL have trouble...but take heart! I have overcome the world."
Difficulties are sure to come. I have experienced them. And will experience more in whatever time I have left on this earth. One thing I am sure of. My God will be there to help me. He's there for you too......
